what I am doing?

What am I doing?

I have become stagnent

motivation gone

fleeting will

anxiety....

fear...

nervous..

but I dont change.

ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz.....

Tiredness surrounds me and weighs on my shoulders pressing and lifting at the same time. I can barely see and I can barley think, but yet something still can get through. my thougts never shut off and when I try to turn them off it is in vien. thoughts are like chaos and when you try to tame them they run even more wild. wild to the brink of extinction. but then they are born again in a new form, some sort of reincarnation and rebirth. They come and go, come and go, come and go. around in cirles is the cycle of my life thoughts. the thoughts life is a death and life. tirednerss is coming and I am blurry. what is it that I am trying to say?

the musings of me..

The musings on me. What I think and what I don’t. How to know and what not to know. This is the question. Scary it is. Something that I cannot say or be. Scary to think of all the things that I do not know and all the things that I cannot say. What is it that man shall employ the mouths of angels and what is it that men shall seek the face of the one. We are but nothing to him who has gone on before and we are but nothing to the one of him that cannot speak. What is it? Who knows. Greater is the one that speaks than the one that remains silent in the place of opposition.

Musings. Common sayings. Weird as the sun and the moon. What shall I say to those that I cannot be with? What shall I say to those that I cannot hear? They are lost and helpless, lead to the slaughter and there I feast upon them. Mind babbles..bubbling forth with words of no cognition or resemblance but tied together with a string.

Words, power they have to propel and to elicit. Words mentioned or not have with them inherent meaning and a sword. They cut and devour. They mend and they break. There is none stronger than the words of him that cannot speak.

Sun shining words blazing. It is as though long before when I could not say.. that I was afraid and therefore intolerant and therefore I cannot be what I want.